I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
