it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
We smell like vodka and hangover
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