Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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