so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
