I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
