it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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