i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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