I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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