That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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