do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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