Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
