So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
