A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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