you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
