im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
