one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I am naked and annoyed.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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