i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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