I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
pop tarts are not kleenex
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
