I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
