so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
