Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
