THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
