Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
