i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Will exercising make me less horny?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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