Pappa wants mamma naked
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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