my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
