how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
