I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
