she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
