Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
