oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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