I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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