I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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