you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
