Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Pants are for mortals
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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