Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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