Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
