he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
