Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
