I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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