wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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