I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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