Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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