I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
