HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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