I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my phone needs a breathalizer
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Pants are for mortals
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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