maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He better not be in your backpack
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
