so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
