If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
