Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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